Anne Duffy—Professional Development Portfolio

Bart-Comment Feedback and Reply

aduffy

Replied 2/5 @ 4:04 pm:

Hi Bart,

Thanks for the comments! I really appreciate the feedback. This is actually the first time in 12 years of writing comments that I have gotten constructive feedback rather than just correcting my typos. This will help SO much in the future.

For this set, I am going to change the Fassino sentence to this “That being said, this trimester I will take the average of your retake quiz and the original quiz.”

Rather than go through each one and eliminating the phrases that you pointed out this time around, I am going to leave them. I will go through and look for “but”s (teehee) and change them to “and”s when it works.  I completely agree with you on the tone of a but versus an and.

I have written chemistry comments exclusively for the last 7 years so I am very comfortable doing that. I just didn’t realize it was that obvious. 😊

Best,

Anne

Anne,

I just finished reading your four full classes of comments.  It is clear you put some real time and effort into these, with good results.  Each contains something unique about the student, and provides some path toward better work in the future.  I thought the two classes of Chemistry were especially helpful and encouraging.  Do you feel more confident writing those sections?  They come off that way to me.  

As one example, the comment you wrote for Katie Fitzgerald was fantastic.  Obviously, the material is difficult for her, but you were so positive even while being direct about her results.  The comment to Ellie Sternitzky was another good example.

In terms of suggestions, I have a few of a global nature.

  1. You often qualify statements with phrases such as “I think that…” “One suggestion I have..”  “I would like to encourage…”   Try eliminating these from the sentence altogether and see how it reads. It isn’t just better writing, it helps students hear more directly and clearly what you want them to do.

As an example, here is a statement from Ethan Weinberg’s comment: “You mentioned in your reflection that lab work was hard to follow. Let me encourage you to look over the labs as much as possible ahead of time and try to make the connections, even superficially at first, with the class material so that labs will perhaps be less confusing and more connecting.”  Read it instead this way: You mentioned in your reflection that lab work was hard to follow. Look over the labs as much as possible ahead of time and try to make the connections, even superficially at first, with the class material so that labs will perhaps be less confusing and more connecting.”

  1. Think about the use of but versus and.  But always negates the first statement.  Lots of time, and fits better.

One other issue of importance.  In your Algebra 2 comments, the vast majority employ these sentences:  This turned out well for you in the fall trimester so I am encouraged that you can do that again to improve your grade while preparing for the final exam. That being said, this trimester I am following Mr. Fassino’s plan to take the average of your retake quiz and the original quiz. That means it will be important to prepare well for the next two quizzes of the trimester.

Two thoughts on this.  At minimum, I’d change it to read more such that you two are making the policy the same in each section to be more fair, or something of that nature.  Saying you are following his lead makes you sound less in control.  But my bigger thought is maybe this should be part of the lead in statement.  The grades are lower in the Algebra classes, and it is obvious everyone will improve through this system. Might be worth setting the context in the beginning.

I recognize either of these changes will require some work- more time consuming than anything.  I’m ok if you just leave them, but I’ll put it out there for your consideration.

Once again, great job overall.  Please see these suggestions as just ways to fine tune, now and in the future.- Bart